It just doesnt make sense.

Love hurts. 
Like a gut-wrenching, head-pounding type of pain that no amount of Tylenol can take care of.
Sometimes it just ends with no explanation. Sometimes a person changes and leaves you with no answers, leaving you staring at your reflection in the mirror wondering why. Leaving you with questions in your mind like "what did i do wrong?" Or "is there something wrong with me?".

Love doesn’t always make sense.

That’s the hardest part about being human and giving into this crazy

Idea of letting someone in. You risk getting your heart completely broken. You risk your life shifting to a new direction. And you try to navigate this thing without a map, without
 a manual, without any type of rules. 

Love is wonderful, but sometimes it hurts like hell.

And sometimes, months later,  you find yourself looking out the window on a hot summer morning wondering what the hell happened. 

The hardest part about love is that sometimes it doesn’t make sense.

Sometimes you fall for someone and you give your best to them, to be there for them, care for them and love them and then you realize, they don't love you back and they don't really care about you. You dont really intend or plan it to be that way. It just happens. Sometimes your mind or heart changes, out of your control. And sometimes you’re at the mercy of someone else’s emotions, and something in them shifts. 

Sometimes you will find yourself and your person in a confusing, painful tear down the middle. And you're not given an explanation, So you just painfully watch as that person disappear from your life. And have them pretend that YOU never really happened in theirs. That's UNBEARABLY painful. 

You tell yourself it’s fine, you’re fine, this is fine.

 But then your mind begins to reel. What happened? How did everything change?

Sometimes you don’t get the closure you deserve.

Sometimes people leave without giving you the answers you so crave. 

Sometimes you can’t make sense of people’s heads, people’s hearts. 

Sometimes there’s no answer, no reason.

Or maybe there is, but not expressed to you. So you find yourself scrolling back through old text messages, scoping through photos, crying to yourself with the memories of how things used to be. 

I wish i could tell you that there is an answer. That one day this person whom you loved will stumble back into your life, be brave and explain their cold hearts, their treatment of you, or why things ended the way they did. But I can’t promise that.

What I can promise, is that you will be okay.

Not getting an answer sucks. Watching the person you care for so deeply change before your eyes and silently walk away, sucks.

But you will make it through.

Because life is filled with confusion, with change, and with imperfect people. Because as hard as it is to believe in anything right now, you will forever have the wonderful memories of love. 

Because no closure, that’s all the closure you need sometimes. And you deserve someone who, no matter how hard it is, will express to you where his/her head is. And who won’t be afraid to deal with the difficult, painful parts of love and will go through that phase with you, coming out stronger.

So i will let this be my closure, and the explanation that i never got:

I apologize for painting a happy picture only to tear it down later, I was living in the moment and I didn’t consider your feelings. Part of me thought this might work and the other didn’t want to even try. I am sorry I was in limbo and you were caught in the middle of it all.

I’m sorry you thought I was better than that, you deserve better than that, you deserved an explanation, you deserve a good reason for my sudden pulling away and I’m sorry you didn’t get it. I’m sorry if that will build your walls up higher for the next person, I’m sorry you now think everyone will leave without warning. I’m sorry your heart is now broken to love deeply again.

So for now, stare out that window, for just a minute and miss them. Then let them go.